DeDivahDeals

Fashion and Fun after Fifty

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Can Blogging Break Up a Marriage

You do remember how innocently it all started out.  At first you were just writing a few hobby posts every week no big deal, a time filler just having fun.  Then you started getting followers who began to comment and so you started to take blogging a little more seriously.  Your audience was growing and so was your attention to them…your virtual family and friends.

blogging as a hobby

Perhaps after a few months you started to get the kids involved, asking them to pose and then asking hubby to take pictures of you with them in the store, the park or at the beach.  He reluctantly obliged but never understood why he nor the kids could eat anything that was on the platter before you took a picture trying to capture the perfect “Hero Shot”.  You set the table with fancy utensils, napkins, flowers and props for the blog post telling the family to dish out their meal from the pots sitting on the stove.

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www.travelblog.goaheadtours.com

Then you start doing sponsored posts, sometimes getting a few hundred dollars deposited into your Paypal account or getting free products that the kids could use and free tickets to an event or for a weekend getaway that hubby enjoyed.

You became obsessed with seeking bigger pay days signing up for even more sponsored posts.  You take pictures at sunrise, at sunset, in the rain and snow while on vacation and sometimes even at work.  Selfies are taken in department store dressing rooms and out on the floor, with every purchase becoming part of an OOTD post and using hashtags for even more recognition.  sunset-home-office-working-with-laptop-on-the-garden-picjumbo-com

You’re signing up at even more blogging community sites, submitting pitches for product reviews and adding more and more to your content calendar.  Your photography skills are improving and your posting dates outnumber doctor and dental appointments highlighted on the family’s calendar.  You become more selfish with your time especially if you also have a job outside of the home.

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You can’t go anywhere without taking pictures and you began to schedule and attend events only if they are  opportunities for a blog post including the kid’s school field trips.  Leaving your business cards everywhere, on the grocery store and church bulletin boards, on the counters at the local liquor stores and blogging becomes more of an obsession.

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https://www.verywell.com

After homework with the kids and dinner with the family, hubby heads to bed while you toil away on your laptop until the wee hours of the morning.  Your sex life begins to wane because hubby can’t keep his eyes open until all hours of the night as you edit and re-edit the perfect post.

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Every shopping experience turns into an opportunity to promote a new product or service and you are proud to admit that you are a blogger with a major following on all your social media platforms.  An expert in the field either as a Lifestyle Blogger, Foodie Blogger, Travel Blogger or Blogger Blogger.

You are constantly reading Social Media Examiner, other blogs, joining link parties, upping your video game and enjoying every moment of it, however, hubby has been put on the back burner and your relationship is strained.   woman-shopping

He doesn’t understand why you have to attend a blogging event every week and why you can’t just sit and watch television without your Laptop or Smartphone, constantly checking Facebook stats, Twitter and Google Analytics.   checking Facebook and Twitter on an iPad

You want him to understand and you need him to know that blogging has become part of your life and you want him to become a part of it as well…but will he ever?

Are you allowing your virtual life to overtake your real life…and will blogging break up your marriage?


Can Cancer Cure Selfishness?

Today I had my youngest son take his father for his bi-weekly chemo treatment at the Helen Graham Cancer Center.  Why?  Because he’s selfish…no not my husband…my son.  It’s all about him…me…me…me and at the age of 19 he needs to understand that life is more about others and less about him.

Helen Graham Cancer Center

Next week he will be leaving to start his Sophomore year at Bowie State University where I hope he decides to really buckle down and take his education seriously, unlike his first semester as a Freshman.

Who do I blame for his selfishness…my husband and I.  He wasn’t born selfish but because of or in spite of the fact that our oldest, his brother is intellectually disabled perhaps we were too lenient…yes, we were too lenient in allowing him to “get away” with way too much as a child. 

Unfortunately, there is no “How To Be A Great Parent” manual, otherwise it would be on the New York Times Best Seller list.  And there definitely isn’t a manual on “How to raise two sons when the first born is disabled and you are the caregiver to an elderly grandparent, and oh by the way, your sister gets killed in a car accident and you’ve been married for less than 5 years” 

The title to that manual would be, “For Better of Worser” which you could find an excerpt of it here.

for better or worser

So how did my son do?  I don’t know…let me go ask him…be right back.

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Okay, this is what he said, “I was a little nervous, but it was alright”.  I guess having that iPhone growing out of his hand gave him a sense of security…whatever works.

Malik at the Cancer Center  I do hope that as the days and weeks go by, he will not only think of and care about his father’s health, but also that of others especially of those whose lives have been drastically changed by this selfish and uncaring disease!  #ihatcancer


24th Wedding Anniversary | Lunch at The Riverfront

24 YEARS AGO TODAY

I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND!

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Yesterday hubby and I celebrated our Wedding Anniversary a day early by having lunch at The Big Fish Grill on the Riverfront in Wilmington. We each ordered salads, hubby chose the Spinach salad with Tilapia and I ordered the Goat Cheese salad with Mahi Mahi. They were both very delicious and the service was great – thank you David.

salads at The Big Fish Grill

It was a beautiful afternoon so afterwards we strolled along the Riverfront hand in hand talking and of course taking pictures, I even asked a few people to take our picture.

Lunch at The Big Fish Grill

After lunch we both needed to take a walk!

Lunch at the Riverfront

Just as it was 24 years ago, it was a perfect day, bright and sunny.

OOTD

I wore the floral dress purchased from Ross, sandals from Payless and the tote in which I used to carry my camera is from Avon.

Handsome Hubby

My handsome hubby looked dapper yet casual enough for a stroll on the Riverfront.

The Riverfront in Wilmington, DE

The Riverfront - kids marching forward

Looking out over the Christina River

Christina River - welcomes you

OOTD

Handsome hubby Hanging by the Riverfront

Great day to spend the day.

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Looking forward to another 24 years!  

Stay Blessed ~ No Stress in 2014!

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Ready for Retirement | Avoid these Mistakes

Hello Friends and Happy Tuesday

 

retired couple Have you and your spouse started thinking about retirement?  Perhaps it’s several years off or maybe in the not-so-distant future.  What are your plans, will you be traveling or just relaxing on the back deck watching the sun rise while sipping your morning coffee?

Hubby will be retiring from the State of Delaware in July, but since I have at least 5 more years, he has to wait for me…and while he waits, he will be working no doubt about it.  Just because he’s retiring with a full pension doesn’t negate the fact that we’ll have a son in college and bills to pay.  

Retirement should be a dream come true filled with fun and excitement but if you make mistakes in not planning, that dream can quickly turn into a nightmare.  

According to the experts, there are 7 mistakes that couples should avoid if they want their retirement years to be truly golden.

  1. Couples never talked about what each of them expected retirement to be, i.e. personal interest or professional goals
  2. They haven’t planned for emergencies, i.e. illnesses, accidents and major home repairs
  3. Couples in their 2nd marriages didn’t plan for unique problems that come with blended families, ie. adult children needing financial assistance
  4. They didn’t do proper financial planning.  i.e. fail to calculate the amount of money needed in retirement, lifestyle and living costs changes
  5. Hospitalizations Couples didn’t consider the high costs of health care or long-term care
  6. Assuming that because you are married you can act for each other in business and health care decisions, consider getting a Power of Attorney
  7. Only one partner is handling financial matters – couples need to talk regularly about finances and both should actively participate

power of attorney

 

If you and your spouse haven’t sat down and talked about your retirement plans, the time to do so is now so you can make those golden years tarnish free!

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What are your thoughts?

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Will You Cry If I Die? | Random Thought

I’ll admit it, I am a big cry baby, I used to cry at the drop of a hat, but then again I’ve had a lot to cry about over the years.  My husband, not so much. I can count on 1 hand just how many times I’ve seen him cry and I think the number may be close to if not zero, he said it has been more, but I’m talking about “boo hoo” crying.

Our oldest son is just like him, he would drop a few tears every now and then if he got into trouble as a young kid.  Now, my youngest son, had he been a girl, I would have dubbed him a “Drama Queen”.  Like me, he can cry in a New York minute, mostly to get out of trouble, but I’ve seen him cry at funerals so some of those tears have been genuine.

I want to ask my husband and oldest son, “will you cry if I die?”

Will You Cry If I Die?

 I guess I should go ask them…hold on…I’ll be right back…

Please Stand By

…Okay, I’m back and they both said, “yes” but not until after they looked at me as if I had two heads! I told you, it was just a random thought!

Goodnight!

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Go To Bed Angry – You Need The Rest

Hello Friends and Happy Thankful Thursday

If you’re married, I’m sure you’ve heard, “never go to bed angry”, but I disagree, sometimes I think you should go to bed angry – you need the rest. Don't go to bed angry

Yes, communication is important in a marriage but there are times when you don’t want to talk you just want to go to sleep. Who really wants to stay up late talking, arguing or trying to compromise, go to sleep, you need your rest, unless of course, it’s a life and death situation.

I met my husband at the age of 28, he was 32, we had both graduated from Delaware State College and each had our share of relationships.  We’d disagree on certain things because we were not raised by the same people in the same house, city or state, so having different upbringings made us think differently. Getting married and combining two lifestyles can be rough but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other and can’t work together.

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In the beginning our biggest arguments occurred after the death of my sister; giving birth to our oldest, a 3 month preemie who weighed 2 1/2 lbs and then moving my grandmother into the home, all of this was before our 2nd Wedding Anniversary.

We would argue, or he would get moody, I call it male PMS, (MMS) and we wouldn’t talk to each other for days. We’d go to bed angry and I’d sleep like a baby because I needed the rest and having him stay on his side of the bed and me on mine made for uninterrupted sleep.

sleep on your side

plot his death There were many times that I wanted to kill him and I’d lay in bed thinking of ways to do it and how to hide the body without getting caught.  The fear of going to prison always stopped me, I knew my sons would rat me out once they found out that their daddy was buried in the backyard under the tomato plants!

Once hubby finishes his MMS cycle, after a couple of days of complete silence, I’ll walk by him and he’ll grab me for a kiss.  Later on that night it’s on and popping and I’m fine with that because am thankful for having those few nights of rejuvenating rest. on and poppin

Going to bed angry isn’t the end all, if you can’t agree or compromise just go to bed angry, you need the rest and hopefully in the morning you’ll feel better.

This works for us, but it may not for you, so if you rather stay up all night to talk and argue that’s fine, but for me, I go to bed angry because I need the rest!

BTW, we have been married for 23 years and for that I am thankful!

Have you ever gone to bed angry at your significant other?

I am also thankful for my family, you my bloggy friends and of course my faith, how about you, what are you thankful for this week?

Stay Blessed ~ No Stress in 2014!

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23rd Wedding Anniversary Dinner

Hello Friends and Happy Friday Eve!

On Sunday hubby and I celebrated our 23rd Wedding Anniversary and had dinner at our favorite restaurant, Chesapeake Inn and Marina.  This lovely restaurant is located in Chesapeake City, Maryland on the waterfront and overlooks the C&D Canal.  We have enjoyed having our Anniversary dinner here for years not only because of it’s location which is only 10 mins from the house, but because it has the best seafood and the atmosphere is enjoyable.

Before leaving for the evening our son took a few pictures of us on the back deck.

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When I think back on our courtship, relationship and marriage I can only say – God is Good!

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Settled in for our Anniversary Dinner

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Overlooking the C&D Canal

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Partying on the lower deck

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23rd wedding

Here’s to another 23!

Linking up today for Thursday Favorite Thing at Katherine’s Corner.

Have a fantabulous day – Smooches!

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Father's Day Friday

Hello Friends and Happy FRI-YAY!

Sunday is Father’s Day, a day to honor and celebrate our dad; daddy; pops; pop-pop; grandfather; brother; uncle or significant other.  Sunday is also the 14th anniversary of my father’s death.  Talvage Cross, Jr., my father, didn’t raise me nor were we close I did however, love him very much.

He died on June 16, 1999, at the age of 61, a heart attack in a library in Cincinnati, Ohio.  A man of meager means who loved to read, so for him to die in a Public Library was profound.

Talvage Cross, was a hard working and decent man; the man that married my mother in 1960; the man that assisted in my creation in 1961; the man that walked me down the aisle in 1990; and the man that consoled me when my sister, his daughter died in 1992.  My sister, Gloria Cross, Jr., was named after his own sister Gloria who also died at an early age.

He was also the man that died before my sons had a chance to meet him, the first time they saw him he was laid in a coffin.  They like me do not have a grandfather, they will never call another man granddaddy or pops, because hubby’s dad is also deceased.

pops

On Sunday, my sons will be celebrating and honoring their father, another great man, or as Malik likes to call him “the old man” and for that I am blessed.

father and son

I am wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

father's day

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Father’s Day Friday

Hello Friends and Happy FRI-YAY!

Sunday is Father’s Day, a day to honor and celebrate our dad; daddy; pops; pop-pop; grandfather; brother; uncle or significant other.  Sunday is also the 14th anniversary of my father’s death.  Talvage Cross, Jr., my father, didn’t raise me nor were we close I did however, love him very much.

He died on June 16, 1999, at the age of 61, a heart attack in a library in Cincinnati, Ohio.  A man of meager means who loved to read, so for him to die in a Public Library was profound.

Talvage Cross, was a hard working and decent man; the man that married my mother in 1960; the man that assisted in my creation in 1961; the man that walked me down the aisle in 1990; and the man that consoled me when my sister, his daughter died in 1992.  My sister, Gloria Cross, Jr., was named after his own sister Gloria who also died at an early age.

He was also the man that died before my sons had a chance to meet him, the first time they saw him he was laid in a coffin.  They like me do not have a grandfather, they will never call another man granddaddy or pops, because hubby’s dad is also deceased.

pops

On Sunday, my sons will be celebrating and honoring their father, another great man, or as Malik likes to call him “the old man” and for that I am blessed.

father and son

I am wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

father's day

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