Fashion and Fun after Fifty

Can Cancer Cure Selfishness?

Today I had my youngest son take his father for his bi-weekly chemo treatment at the Helen Graham Cancer Center.  Why?  Because he’s selfish…no not my husband…my son.  It’s all about him…me…me…me and at the age of 19 he needs to understand that life is more about others and less about him.

Helen Graham Cancer Center

Next week he will be leaving to start his Sophomore year at Bowie State University where I hope he decides to really buckle down and take his education seriously, unlike his first semester as a Freshman.

Who do I blame for his selfishness…my husband and I.  He wasn’t born selfish but because of or in spite of the fact that our oldest, his brother is intellectually disabled perhaps we were too lenient…yes, we were too lenient in allowing him to “get away” with way too much as a child. 

Unfortunately, there is no “How To Be A Great Parent” manual, otherwise it would be on the New York Times Best Seller list.  And there definitely isn’t a manual on “How to raise two sons when the first born is disabled and you are the caregiver to an elderly grandparent, and oh by the way, your sister gets killed in a car accident and you’ve been married for less than 5 years” 

The title to that manual would be, “For Better of Worser” which you could find an excerpt of it here.

for better or worser

So how did my son do?  I don’t know…let me go ask him…be right back.


Okay, this is what he said, “I was a little nervous, but it was alright”.  I guess having that iPhone growing out of his hand gave him a sense of security…whatever works.

Malik at the Cancer Center  I do hope that as the days and weeks go by, he will not only think of and care about his father’s health, but also that of others especially of those whose lives have been drastically changed by this selfish and uncaring disease!  #ihatcancer


  • Anny says:

    I think your son accompanying his father is a great idea. Good for you!

  • I think my older one can be selfish too. It’s definitely our fault because we try to give them everything we didn’t have and, as a result, they have a sense of entitlement. I’m sending healing thoughts for your husband and hoping your son realizes that everything is not always about him.

    • DeDivahDeals says:

      Thank you, our number goal is always to be the best parent but sometimes sheltering our kids from the harsh realities of life can do them more harm than good. Thank you for your well wishes as you are an awesome “survivor”!

  • Neti* says:

    Great idea Sis. My motto. . .grow old so that you can be %#%# to them as they were to you. And that is not being selfish. . . LOL.

  • Mama you know I luv ya and always wish u and urs the best. I love this share because as the sole care giver to my grandma who suffers from Alzheimers I know how tough caring for loved ones can be. He has a great mom who wants him to be a great human being so cheers to u I hope he gets it and grows with it for sure.

  • That was a good idea for him to take his father for treatment. There were all kinds of lessons there!

  • robbie says:

    Unselfish acts are unspoken lessons in humility. The ultimate reality experience.

  • nerline says:

    Nobody can blame you for his selfishness. I had no idea your husband had cancer. I am sure this experience was eye-opening for your son.

    • DeDivahDeals says:

      Nerline thank you, but as parents we have a major responsibility in instilling the right morals and values into our kids. Once they get into the real world the test begins and I just want to make sure he is armed and ready and I think he is! We are blessed.

  • Cathy says:

    First of all I’m sorry to hear about your husband fighting cancer, I am and will be praying! I simply love this post! As the mother of 6 children I know a thing or two about selfish children. It infuriates me as well as saddens me at the same time how selfish they truly are. Kudos to you for taking responsibility in forcing reality upon his life to know it ain’t all about him!

  • […] Of course there are controversies on both sides, but as a parent who wants to raise his kids with the understanding that not everything is going to be handed to them as a just because, and that sometimes you have to fail in order to succeed, I think he did the right thing. You know me, I am all about teaching my sons the realities of life, the good the bad and the ugly #ihatecancer […]

  • Sherri says:

    Kudos to you sis! I often have to reel mine in and remind them when I am at my limits that they are of age and I am now doing them a favor. Remind them of the sacrefies that I have made and what I really could be doing right about now… They’ll get it eventually. As we all did….

    • DeDivahDeals says:

      Thank you, we all want to do the best for our kids but sometimes doing too much comes back to bite cha in the butt – then we have to put them in check. You are a good mommy!

I love reading your comments!

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